I should confess something. I was in such a bad mood yesterday and so full of evil feelings towards my neighbors that I did something, or well refused to do something and I need to get it off my chest before I continue with my day. Because the minute I realized I truly DO NOT love my neighbor as myself and I'm acting like it, I felt a little bad. But just a little-hey I said I was a Christian but I never said I was perfect. As I mentioned last post my neighbors keep me awake just about every weekend with their loud parties and it's not seldom that I wake up to find beer cans and cigarettes on my porch. No need to mention the beautiful throw up I found on our common stairway the morning after our "discussion" on Friday night wherein one of her "guests" got smartassed with me. I really should just tell you guys everything but I'm just so disgusted over the whole thing that I don't want to poison my blog with it. I really do want to tell but time needs to pass so that I can laugh at it instead of wrath over it, which is what I've been doing. I had some other things on my mind yesterday that contributed to my bad mood as well but anyway, back to what I wanted to confess: Yesterday at around lunch time, there was knock on my door and when I opened it there stood a flower deliveryman. I knew it was for my neighbor and he asked if he could leave it with me. I told him I didn't feel comfortable accepting their deliveries and I was probably pretty terse with him. (oops it's not his fault) The minute I closed the door I knew how petty I was being. But that's just how disgusted over the whole thing I am. I don't want anything to do with them right now. I don't want to accept their deliveries and I don't want to knock on their door with a fake smile and a vase of flowers. For just a couple days I just want to pretend that they don't exist. It probably would have been a good opportunity to make peace, even though there really is no negative energy between us that I can feel. It's really just my negative energy towards them. She at least had the decency to act apologetic, I'll give her that. But like that Dixie Chick song, I'm still "not ready to make nice." Eventually I will. I still do wave to them when we see each other in our small parking lot so it's not like I'm zapping eye-lasers (as I've been known to do) or flipping them off everyday. I just want to not have anything more to do with them for right now. It's Memorial day weekend and I'm already anticipating another Frat party, thus my anxiety over the whole situation. Anyway yeah, so I was mean yesterday. I used to post confessions on Tuesdays and then somehow forgot about it, I guess I should do this more often.
I wanted this post to be a list of things that cheer me up, since I am in a happier mood today but I think I'll do it later.
2 comments:
you know...i'm glad you were honest with yourself that you just weren't "there" yet and you didn't want to accept her flowers for her, then having to fake back to her later when she came to pick them up. i would have a big problem with her "activities" and i think you have been plenty understanding when it comes to her and her "guests". i think it's better to be real than fake. you would have liked to have been in a different place, but you weren't at the time.
Thanks for the support friends! I'm not in agony over it, I just know that it's not usually in my personality to hold a big grudge in that way. Actually the thing I felt the worst about was how bitchy I was to the delivery guy since he didn't even have anything to do with the whole situation. That's just not me......
Post a Comment