Still missing her

A subscriber of mine(from my youtube channel) sent me this video of a song that broke my heart this morning. I'm not even a fan of country music but this song sounds so much like our Mai that I absolutely lost it this morning listening to it. Here's the video below, this is actually a cover and I searched for the original and it's good too but I think because this girl is so young and her voice is so sweet and innocent, I prefer this version:




Here's the original video which is good to but her voice sounds more mature and polished.



But this song is so much what I need to hear even though it brought back emotions that are still very raw. And the lyrics haunt me since basically Mai was buried in her prom dress which is white satin and her coffin was full of roses. And that "boy in town" who'll love her forever is my nephew and he's been so lost without her.

I'm still worried about my nephew. He's not doing so good right now which is expected. In so many ways this loss was worse than when my Grandparents died. Not because I loved them any less just because when they left me behind I didn't feel like they were cheated out of a full life. We were able to send them away with hearts full of a lifetime of memories but not Mai. Christmas is just two weeks away and it's cold so there's this childish part of me that thinks of her at the bottom of a dark hole all alone.  I need to get the "plunkplunk" sound of the flowers hitting the casket when they lowered her down there out of my mind so that I can sleep at night again. I need to get the look of my nephew's face from that day out of my mind but the truth is he still looks that way. So yeah. The Holidays this year aren't easy and I've been faking it.



If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand


There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls