Still missing her

A subscriber of mine(from my youtube channel) sent me this video of a song that broke my heart this morning. I'm not even a fan of country music but this song sounds so much like our Mai that I absolutely lost it this morning listening to it. Here's the video below, this is actually a cover and I searched for the original and it's good too but I think because this girl is so young and her voice is so sweet and innocent, I prefer this version:




Here's the original video which is good to but her voice sounds more mature and polished.



But this song is so much what I need to hear even though it brought back emotions that are still very raw. And the lyrics haunt me since basically Mai was buried in her prom dress which is white satin and her coffin was full of roses. And that "boy in town" who'll love her forever is my nephew and he's been so lost without her.

I'm still worried about my nephew. He's not doing so good right now which is expected. In so many ways this loss was worse than when my Grandparents died. Not because I loved them any less just because when they left me behind I didn't feel like they were cheated out of a full life. We were able to send them away with hearts full of a lifetime of memories but not Mai. Christmas is just two weeks away and it's cold so there's this childish part of me that thinks of her at the bottom of a dark hole all alone.  I need to get the "plunkplunk" sound of the flowers hitting the casket when they lowered her down there out of my mind so that I can sleep at night again. I need to get the look of my nephew's face from that day out of my mind but the truth is he still looks that way. So yeah. The Holidays this year aren't easy and I've been faking it.



If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand


There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls

Cold Beach=Beautiful evening sky

My cell phone only lets me email videos that are 30 seconds long and for some reason the sound didn't come out in the upload but oh well.  You get the point.  It was just a really beautiful winter beach sky and I wanted to capture it........

Random

Went to a Christmas Party tonight. Naturally a topic of conversation was whether or not I will have a baby in the next year. Usually I get a little touchy when people bring this up because I think it's pushy-no one asks men these kinds of personal questions. But since I was actually holding a baby at the time and sticking my nose in her neck to inhale the smell of baby powder, making wrinkly nose faces whilst singing a Korean song about a hopping bunny in the silliest voice I could muster, I took no offence. Of course it's going to happen just, obviously not today.

I know, I know, you're thinking right now, "Korean song? How does Pea know Korean song?" My BFF is part Korean and her mom used to sing it for us. That's how I know. Ok? And yes I will sing it for my future hypothetical child too.

Peanut made his great escape a few nights ago. He tricked MrPea, wiggled out of his harness and ran off down the road on a wonderful hour long adventure. MrPea is easily tricked because he is so damn trusting and Peanut know this. Of course this happened as we were fully dressed to go out for a fancypants dinner. We finally gave up walking around in our beautiful outfits and got in the car to drive down the road in the direction he was last seen because I'm always afraid he'll chase something and get hit by a car. That dog was a mile away when we found him and I could tell he was in no distress over the fact that he was away from the only 2 people on Earth who could ever love him, a bad seed, as much as we do. As we got closer I have to admit how resentful I feel about the happy look on his face. Why does he do this to me? This dog turns 13 years old this month, he should be too old for this running away silliness, I know I sure am. He acts like we keep him in such a miserable existence that he needs to just break out of jail any chance he gets.

My ankle still hurts. Of course wearing heels a couple times hasn't helped. Still though, I've never had an injury last this long and it's driving me crazy. This ankle has ruined everything. I can't jog. I can't look for shark teeth. sssiiiggghhh